I'll periodically stop here to put into digital word those thoughts stuck in my head which are sometimes hard to translate to the people around me. A primarily self-reflective blog (as suggested by the title,) and by no means a log of the accomplishments of my kid, my marriage, or career...though those topics will probably be a common point of discussion as they're part of what becoming me has meant in this chapter of my life.
So what's been taking up space upstairs lately? What I want to do for the rest of my life... beginning three years from now. A personal strength and weakness of mine is that I'm always looking to the future and planning ahead - so much at times that I forget about where I am now, and focusing on improving that. At any rate. I'm currently blessed with being an intern in what I feel is the best field of medicine today - family medicine! Where I'll be 3 years from now? An attending physician (meaning for all intents and purposes a doctor "done" with formal education) or I can be a "fellow" training for an additional year in a sub-specialized niche of family medicine of my choice.
The fellowships available to a family medicine physician are all very interesting to me (guess that means I'm in the right field!). There's community medicine in which I can learn more about how medicine works in the context of clinics servicing the minimally-insured (i.e. homeless, uninsured, medi-cal). There's sports medicine in which you can fine-tune your knowledge of health and injury among athletes young and old (and patients who WANT to get better and quickly!) Geriatric fellowship will undoubtedly be useful for any physician as the average age of our American population ages and their needs are quite specific. I like HIV medicine, I like adolescent medicine, I like woman's health care. I flippin' love it all!
But what I like most at the moment? End-of-life care. Sounds like a morbid interest at first, but for anyone who's ever had a hospice and/or palliative care experience you may know that the medicine involved in the relief of pain and suffering in others is quite rewarding. Arguably a good majority of the medicine we practice today is palliative rather than curative. "Doctor, I have a cold" is not answered with antibiotics to kill a virus but rather pointers about symptom relief and reassurance with education. Or at least it should be. In my experience with palliative care training I find that physicians are rewired (or are naturally drawn) to a model of practice that emphasizes PATIENT rather than disease care, PERSON rather than organ-focus. And the team-approach to care is paramount. I lOVE teamwork. Not only is it better for a patient to have multiple sets of eyes and ears from multiple disciplines catering to him or her, but it's better for the physician - you learn quite a bit from nurses, chaplains, social workers, and other therapists. And though the situations your patients find themselves in are no doubt difficult and many times heartbreaking, there are also very many beautiful moments shared at the end of life if one has the time to enjoy them. Many patients are otherwise forced to slow down by their disease processes and stories, silent time spent with loved ones, and new passions and revelations mean so much more. For all the bitter, it's the sweetness that draws me to wanting to study palliative care after my three years of residency are over.
Coupled with my love affair for great story-telling in movies, here are some clips which I feel really underline the beauty that is shared between human beings at the end of life:
From "Latter Days." A Mormon missionary ("Aaron,") takes time out from his book-teaching to simply listen and be present for one who's grieving - LOVE the pixel metaphor for life - recurring theme in the movie:
The following three clips document the changes that occur in a Professor Barring's (English professor of poetry) life journey as she is hospitalized for an experimental chemotherapy for her advanced end-stage ovarian cancer:
So maybe I'll be getting more of these kinds of human connections - I find those at the end if life are often the most full of life. Ideally, however, I want to work with people who have slowed down to realize what's important early on in the course of their life.
-Cela
